


I'm Actually Not a Telemarketer

by InsecurelyPerfect



Series: Tumblr prompt AUs [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Marauders, Modern Era, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Post-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), alice is just a pawn in sirius' game, james is a meanie, lily is a pure cinnamon roll, no magic, sirius is a meanie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-30 13:35:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19854259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsecurelyPerfect/pseuds/InsecurelyPerfect
Summary: Sirius writes James' number on a bathroom stall and Lily gets curious.





	I'm Actually Not a Telemarketer

I was just finishing up touching up my makeup when something caught my eye in the mirror. Big black numbers were etched onto the door of the stall closest to the door. It looked like a phone number. They were written in an angry scrawl with "fuck him up" written under it in red Sharpie and highlighted by purple Sharpie.

Normally, I would never do anything like what I did end up doing, but there was just something about the number on the stall door... it drew me to curiosity. Usually, I would just roll my eyes and have a sarcastic thought about salty ex-girlfriends wanting revenge on their ex-boyfriends, this time, I didn't do that. I was curious what this boy had done to deserve such fucking up.

I turned around so I was now facing the stalls and my back towards the mirror. I input the number into the keypad and pressed call. The phone rang for a couple of minutes before anyone answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, can you take me off of whatever fucking calling lists you have?" The person on the other end of the line's voice was harsh and annoyed. He must have been getting these kinds of calls all day. Poor guy.

"I--"

"If you can't take me off it, I don't want to hear it."

"NO! WAIT!" I screamed. It stopped him from hanging up the phone.

"What?" he barked.

"I'm not calling to sell you something. I just wanted to let you know that I'm in the girls' bathroom of a Target and that your number is written on the door of one of the stalls..." As my sentence went on, my voice got quieter and quiet. "I, um, I don't know what happened, but it has 'fuck him up' under it and I'm not sure how long it's been there, but I thought you should know..."

The guy sighed loudly. "Can you try to remove it? My phone has been blowing up all day with angry texts telling me to die and loud and long voicemails and people just calling me. I figured a lot of people typed a celebrity phone number wrong or telemarketers or something. However, Siri writing my number on the stall door makes a hell of a lot more sense."

"Who's Siri? Your ex-girlfriend?" I asked.

"No, he's my brother... of sorts. He always does ridiculous things whenever he gets mad at me," the boy said.

"Well, why's he mad at you...?" I trailed off, giving the boy a place to fill in his name.

Luckily, he took my cue. "James. My name's James."

"Okay, James, well, why is your 'brother of sorts' made at you? And what the hell do you mean by a brother of sorts? Wait, how the FUCK did he get into the girls' bathroom?"

"The sad git must've had Alice do it, poor girl. She's always getting swept up into his shenanigans. And he's my adoptive brother. My family adopted him when he got kicked out. He's my best friend and he's always mad at me for some reason or another. It's kind of stupid. Um, I didn't catch your name?" James no longer sounded angry, actually, he kind of sounded a bit impressed.

"Oh, right. My bad. I'm Lily. Lily Evans." I liked that James was getting more relaxed with me. I'm really glad I told him what was going on, though.

"Well, Lily, can you please try to remove my number? I don't want any more girls calling me angrily, so if you could do that for me, that would be a huge help. Thank you in advance."

I knew that he would want me to get rid of his number, especially since he'd already asked me a couple of times, so I didn't know why it stung so much when he asked me for a second time. I guess I just kind of assumed that he would want me to stop talking to him. Even though I had just met him, there was something really special about him and I didn't want to stop talking to him. I could feel it in my heart that he wasn't like any guy I've spoken to before. He sure was a dork and he had a weird relationship with his friends, but he was a sweet guy who honestly didn't deserve what had been done to him. Plus, he was easier to talk to than anyone I had ever spoken to before.

His voice was smooth and sweet, like buttered pancakes, one of my favorite foods. I loved listening to his voice, and when he asked me to remove his number, I couldn't help but let out a sigh. "What's wrong, Lil?" he asked.

I chuckled gently. "Oh, it's nothing. Um, you would want me to delete your number after all of this, wouldn't you?"

"What?" he sounded bewildered. "No, not at all. I would probably cry if you didn't call me again. You remind me of Strongylodon macrobotryses." I didn't understand his reference, but when he said that he wouldn't want me to stop talking to him, all I could feel was my heart soaring on cloud nine.

"Excuse me?" I asked, trying not to sound too happy that he had admitted to still talk to me.

"Right," he cleared his throat. "Strongylodon macrobotryses are these flowers native to tropical forests in the Philippines. They're also called emerald jade vines. They're the most beautiful flower I had ever seen. They just remind me of kindness, much like your voice. Very serene." I could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke.

I giggled. "Why didn't you just say emerald jade vines to begin with?"

"Because I forgot that not everyone knows what I know about plants. Perks of being friends with plant nerds. Also, it meant that I got to speak to you longer and I didn't have to hang up."

I wasn't looking at myself, but I could feel the blush creeping up my neck. He was such a goofball and I honestly couldn't wait to call him again.

"Alright, well, it looks like Sirius got back to me, so I should probably get back to him so I can yell at him until he goes deaf and I can let you off the hook so you can help me remove my number." He paused for a moment before adding in a hasty voice: "I hope you know that I would remove it myself, but I'm a guy so I can't go into the girl's rooms. Otherwise, I totally would."

"Yeah, I know," I sighed. "Right, I should get to scrubbing."

"Hey! Um, Lil, before you go?"

"Yes, James?"

"Would you happen to want to go out with me later today?"

My cheeks burned up. "Of course. Where would you want to go?"

"I get off of my shift at the Starbucks in Target in an hour. Will you still be here?"

"Yeah, probably."

"Great, meet me at the Starbucks in an hour. Also, you couldn't see it, but I winked."

"And you can't see it," I countered, "but I've been blushing for the past four minutes. Anyways, I'll see you in an hour." The smile on my face couldn't be broken, that was until I started to scrub the number off the stall.


End file.
